Monday 28 October 2013



The Crow Killer...
The “caw caw” of the crow is omenous. It hinders the success of a journey and it brings diseases to the people who hear it. That is exactly what she said. And with a conviction strong enough to shake the foundation of the Statue of Liberty, or atleast it seemed so, for we really don’t know whether she is a crow-eater as well.

Our house is more of a garden. My mother, an ardent lover of trees and flowers, has filled up every available corner with plants. It almost appears like there is a house in a garden rather than a garden in a house. And the balcony hasn’t been spared of the shades of soothing green and bright yellow clusters peeping through them. She waters them every morning and afternoon. Today Fate had scripted an afternoon adventure with the “crow killer”.

Mother was standing in the balcony, after having watered the plants, and watching the labourers at work with bricks and cement on a little construction above our garage. Our woman of the day arrives at this precise hour to play out the script. A crow had committed the grave mistake of cawing while she was on her way to a very important work. Immediately she took out a gulti from her bag and aimed a stone at the crow. She missed it. The crow flew away and perched on another electric pole. As she was about to aim at it a second time, my mother called out, “Hey, what are you up to?”. And our crow-hitter shouted back, “Killing this bloody crow! Such an omen! Am on my way to attend to a very important business”. The poor lady thought she had won over my mother’s confidence by enumerating such a valuable fact about the cawing of crows. Her pupil, however, reacted quite contrary to her expectations.
      “What! You better stop that nonsense right now!”
An aghast dispeller of omens, at first taken aback, hadn’t yet accepted defeat at the hands of the lady in the balcony. She hadn’t yet put her best foot forward.
            “You are such an ignorant woman! Do you know that the cawing of a crow brings diseases to people residing in the area? Don’t you ahve children at home?”.

“And who has sent you to ward off diseases from our neighbourhood? Everybody is quite healthy. We hear the crows everyday.”

The woman, still hurling angry accusations at my mother for being ignorant, started walking away. At this moment, Bidisha’s mother makes her entry from the corner stage. Standing at her balcomy she comments,
                   “Maybe she eats crow meat. Many people have it.”.
She wouldn’t have uttered these words, had she realised that our messiah wasn’t yet past hearing range.
      “What! I eat crows? People who eat crows live on railway platforms. I have a house. What do you mean?”.
Aunty slipped inside the house as my mother continued with her comments. She derives a sadistic pleasure from intimidating people with sarcasm.
           “Then close all your doors and windows and stay in your house, and don’t come out. There are crows everywhere.”.

By this time, a few neighbours had already peeped out of their windows to have a clearer knowledge of the commotion. Some giggled. Our flustered crow-killer took to the gully that leads to the adjoining neighbourhood, shouting mad comments. Heads withdrew from windows. Mother came in laughing and proposing that the lady would have made the perfect bride for my father,
                    “Both would go on talking illogical stuff all day. Then your father would have learnt his lesson.”.
( father thinks mother is illogical. My sister and I, referees in every domestic fight, have concluded that they both get illogical when quarrelling with each other.)

Meantime, I guess, the ‘lady with the gulti’ went hunting omenous crows in the next neighbourhood. The cawing crow proved such a hindrance to her crow-killing in our neighbourhood. I hope the crows keep cawing to impede the success of the assassinator of their race. Caw! Caw!

Saturday 9 February 2013

ob-la-di  ob-la-da...
Yesterday while browsing through The Beatles’ playlist, the phrase “ob-la-di ob-la-da” caught my attention. It at once sent ringing in my ears a similar phrase from the Kumar Shanu hit “do dil mil rahe hain”, from the movie Pardes where it has been extended with an ‘ob-la-do’(to rhyme with “I love u”). without further ruminating on issues of plagiarism, I double-clicked on the title and the speakers sang aloud,
       “Desmond had a barrow in the market place”.
Cheerful music, simple and sweet lyrics- but what made me google the song was a sudden reversal of ideas in the concluding stanza. The lines,
                       Desmond lets the children lend a hand...
Molly stays at home and does her pretty face...

And in the evening she still sings it with the band...”
 gets reversed to
                    “Molly lets the children lend a hand...
Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face...
And in the evening she's a singer with the band...”

This unexpected reversal of gender roles amused me, rather intrigued me. On a little research I discovered these amusing theories and rumours about this song.
The least interesting of them was that vocalist Paul McCartney reversed it by mistake while recording and the Beatles let it be for a humorous punch. However, what’s a dish without a dab of spices. So, with no considerations for dyspeptic complaints, allow me to catalogue the more interesting rumours.

The most popular among them is the notion that Desmond and Molly are gays. However, Desmond has been clearly referred to as a “he” and Molly as a “she”. So, I would rather reject this one too.
 A more feminist read comes to the conclusion that it is an attack on the popular discourses of the feminine and the masculine. The lady is no more the only one who stays at home “doing her face”. She works to earn bread while the man rears the children nd tends to his “beauty”.
But the best is yet to unfold. There was a rumour in the September of 1969 that Paul McCartney died in a car accident. The Beatles kept it under covers and Will Campbell underwent a Paul McCartney plastic-surgery. Molly is Paul’s wife, Linda McCartney who went out singing in her band while the new Paul took care of his operated face. So, you want to tell me that the Paul who lives to this day is not the real Paul! Duh! What about the voice? If there is any voice-surgery too, let me know. I have long wished for a Lata Mangeshkar voice.

The most accepted theory is that the Beatles were high on marijuana while recording this song. Infact, there is a lot of laughing going on with the song. And their advice at the end,
    “Take ob-la-di ob-la-da”
Refers to getting a similar high. The more virtuous have been horrified at this because they believe “ob-la-di ob-la-da” is a phrase straight out of the language of the Yoruba tribe which means “life goes on”. But they did clearly mention “take ob-la-di ob-la-da”. Those tricky geniuses!

I guess, after all, the Beatles have succeeded in what they had intended to achieve through a Desmond-Molly reversal. Loads of amusing theories indeed. Till then,
  “ob-la-di ob-la-da brah..
Life goes on.”